Aside from the compulsory napping, my pain medication has had some major effects:
1. I am extremely happy.
People seem to think this is because I am no longer in constant, agonizing pain. Not true. It’s the drugs. I’m high as hell, and that makes me feel pretty damn jolly. I’m sure the lack of pain has done something to make me less irritable, but I don’t want to set the expectation that I will be a much less disgruntled person just because I no longer have Fallopian tubes that resemble worsted yarn.
I’m also pretty overjoyed that i can void without it feeling like someone is twisting a golf cleat in my abdomen.
2. My ability to do things like be upright and not drool on myself gives me much more credibility than I should have.
In recovery, not long enough after coming out of the operating room to be able to make a coherent decisions about whether or not I was wearing the hospital issued underpants already, I managed to tell the anesthesiologist that I needed a prescription for 4mg pills rather than 2mg. Mind you, what I had at home prior to surgery was 2mg pills. And it was enough to knock me out. So, whatever made me sound authoritative and knowledgeable enough while interjecting from my gurney with my eyes still closed…I’m not quite sure. But I did roll out of that hospital with a 4mg Rx.
3. My memory is shot.
I remember the first thing i said to the nurse was that I had to pee. I remember the medication thing. I remember spitting crackers at my husband twice (from the post anesthesia dry mouth) and not being able to figure out where the underwear was (in previous surgeries, they had out it on my on the table…not this time). I could not remember the details of my surgery, even though, at this point, multiple people had given me the rundown multiple times. I don’t remember the awesome post-op nurse’s name. I don’t remember having my leads taken off, even though i do remember eyeballing them and wanting them off. I remember bossing Stewart to contact people, but don;’t actually remember him doing it.
This hasn’t really gotten better. The amnesiac is out of my system, but I am still saying the same thing repeatedly, to the same person. I’m hoping that by the time I taper off of the pain medications to only needing Tylenol or whatever normal people take for regular pain, this will remedy itself.
Until then, I’m just going to continue using my standard excuse: What the hell do you want? I’m on a lot of drugs.