I wore mascara today and was quickly reminded of why I don’t wear it more often.

1. I pushed my glasses up my nose and the lenses were met with small crunchy sticks. So I can resign to looking seductively over my extremely strong glasses or I can not wear mascara and continue to see.

2. My eyes feel like there are one million microscopic sand particles grinding to and fro every time I blink. This may be because the mascara is old and dried out our because it is a poor formula, but it is still tremendously unpleasant.

3. When I walk outdoors, I feel like the Snuffleupagus because I am squinting.

4. In the sang vein, I’m vibrantly catching the clumpy ends of my lashes in my peripheral vision. There are tons of things that black fit could be; bugs, incoming baseballs, a speeding motorist, ufos.

5. This craziness:

Bloodshot eyes, raccoon rings, eyelashes stuck together, burning eyeballs…

6. Waterproof mascara is damn near impossible to remove without pulling out eyelashes and getting remover/soap/oil in your eyes.

I’d say this experiment is one giant endorsement for false lashes (with which you just dissolve the glue and pull off) or continuing my nearly invisible lashes lifestyle.

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Fat Feminist Sex Educator.